What you model, you multiply. And you are always modeling.
If you've ever said "I can't wait for the weekend" on a Tuesday morning, this one is for you.
Most people aren't living the life they get to live. They're living the one they feel like they have to. Those are two completely different lives, and most people have no idea which one they're in.
Nobody lands their first job and thinks, "I can't wait to resent this in five years." Early on, you were grateful. You were hustling because you wanted to be there. Then came the pressure, the unmet expectations, the difficult boss, the raise that didn't happen. Slowly, "get to" became "have to."
Two things keep people stuck there:
They submit to it. Instead of making a change, they settle into a bad relationship with work and stop seeing it as an opportunity.
They spread it. A have-to attitude never stays private. Parents who complain about work at the dinner table aren't just venting. They're programming how their kids will see work for the rest of their lives. Leaders do the same thing in conference rooms, one-on-ones, and every Monday morning walk through the office.
What you model, you multiply. And you are always modeling.
Yes, some employers are the problem. Not every workplace is healthy and not every boss is good. But we all have a part in this. The good news is you don't have to stay there.
The 3 A's of the Get-To Life
1. Awareness
Most people living the have-to life don't know they're in it, because it became normal. Monday dread. Parking lot pep talks. Unloading on your family the second you walk in the door. That's not a bad day. That's a posture.
How to Do It: For the next seven days, become a student of your own language. Every time "I have to" comes out of your mouth (or crosses your mind), do three things:
Replace it. Right then. "I have to go to this meeting" becomes "I get to be in the room where decisions are made." You're not lying to yourself. You're finding the get-to inside the have-to.
Write it down. Take two minutes at the end of each day to list every "have to" you caught. By day three, you'll see patterns. The list becomes a map.
Plan ahead. Use that list as tomorrow's game plan. Decide how you'll say it differently before your feet hit the floor. Put it on a sticky note, say it in the mirror, stick it on your dashboard.
The person who actually changes stops being reactive and starts being intentional.
2. Action
Awareness without action is just guilThis is where most people get stuck. They see the problem, feel the weight of it, and then just complain louder. When it comes to work, you have three choices, and every one of them requires you to do something.
How to Do It:
Stay and change it. Maybe the job isn't the problem. Maybe the culture or the attitude in the room is. You have more influence over your environment than you're using. Be the one who refuses to join the complaining.
Leave and find something better. Some environments are beyond your ability to fix. If you've done the work, had the conversations, and nothing has changed, it may be time to go.
Build your own. If the work you want doesn't exist, maybe you're the one meant to create it. Don't let fear be the reason you never try.
All three share one thing: a decision to stop letting your circumstances determine your quality of life.
3. Attitude
Attitude is the one thing no boss, economy, or hard season can take from you without your permission. It isn't pretending everything is perfect. It's deciding that your circumstances and your feelings don't get to determine how you show up.
How to Do It: Keep your attitude aligned with three habits.
Gratitude anchors you to what you have.
Generosity gets your focus off yourself and onto others.
Growth gives you a reason to show up with energy.
Your Challenge This Week
Start the seven-day awareness challenge tomorrow morning. Catch every "have to," replace it, write it down, and plan ahead. Then pick one of the three action options and take one concrete step toward it before Friday.
The get-to life doesn't just change you. It changes everyone who's watching.
Want to go deeper? Listen to the full episode on the Mind Your Business podcast.